a letter from home

[I can never leave – not for one heartbeat –
but I can write letters from home and this is one]

 

Letter to a friend

 

dear friend

are you looking for a sanctuary?
a place that’s private and quiet?
that’s rent-free, and can’t be bought or sold?

(you will never be evicted for any reason
whatsoever!)

that you don’t have to share – even with your family
or lovers – because you can’t?
that requires no maintenance?
that needs no insurance because it can’t be damaged?
that’s as large or small as you wish?
that you can take everywhere you go –
even when you have no fixed earthly abode
and you find yourself “homeless”?

that’s as solid as rock, yet lighter than a baby’s breath?
that has views onto both the temporal and the timeless?
that has a warm hearth glowing, and a welcome mat
with your name on it, at the door?

would you believe me when I say
it is wherever YOU are, no matter what your experience?

it’s wrong to say it’s close,
it isn’t even near

it’s simply right here, when thinking disappears

with warmest love

– miriam louisa

 


Image source

 

an innocent, dry-eyed, whole-hearted presence

[Although this little piece was written a month ago, circumstances around internet access have delayed its posting.  I’m three weeks late, but how relevant is time when it comes to love?]

Last month, on January 29, my mother Miriam would have celebrated her 100th birthday.

Looking back I find something quite remarkable:  I don’t EVER remember seeing her cry. *

I remember asking her about this; wondering if she’d intentionally decided to never again cry, as some do who have seen more than their fair share of life’s hard knocks.  She said that on the death of her little sister, Bessie, her grief was so enormous she thought it would kill her, but that by some kind of Grace she’d discovered a way of shifting the weight of her personal sorrow.  She would have hardly been in her teens at the time.

Her simple secret was to stop and look for something unexpectedly good about the apparently tragic, sad or crazy situation life was dishing up.  It was years before I understood the value of this – at first I saw it as an evasion of reality, a Pollyanna prescription, mere ‘positive thinking’.  During my years as a card-carrying member of the Thought Police I accused her of simply replacing one thought with another.  She’d never waste her energy in argument though; she seemed to quietly trust that eventually I’d come to understand the dynamics of thinking and figure it out for myself.  Compassion!

And I did.  I came to understand that thinking is always dual – polarized – and that you can’t simply turn a negative one into a positive one to any effect.  Pitting thought against thought is not an effective remedy for the relief of suffering.  Mum knew better than that.  She had found out for herself, however, that if you look for the opposite of the ‘bad’ in the news – playing a kind of game with your mind to release its death-grip on the certainty of tragedy – you eventually reach a space where the polarities cancel each other out, and given time, it becomes second-nature to abide in that spacious equanimity.  Note that the same dynamic applies to thoughts that insist on the ‘goodness’ of any news.

Mum’s natural response was seldom to comment from her own position.  She reflexively put on the moccasins of the ‘other’.  Here’s an example.  My Dad passed away just ten minutes before she arrived at the hospice.  I went to the door to tell her the news, expecting her to be sad that she had missed his last moments.  (They had, after all, been married for 73 years.)  She broke into the sweetest smile, raised her arms and said, “He’s free at last!”

Mum’s wisdom was not about right versus wrong or about passive complacency; it embraced an energized equanimity that lies on the other side of thoughts altogether.  She mightn’t have done much crying, but her heart was always poised at-the-ready to meet whatever life dished up.  Her quiet presence was often all the comfort a suffering soul needed:  her innocent, dry-eyed, whole-hearted presence.

Earth Mother

This Earth Mother image – scanned from a greeting card years ago – bears an uncanny facial resemblance to Miriam. And the symbolism couldn’t be more perfectly aligned with her virtues – from my perspective anyway!

On the 100th anniversary of her birth I’m taking a leaf out of her book and looking for the ‘good things’ about her departure.

  1. Like Dad a year earlier, she was “free at last” from her frail, weary, broken body.  Ninety six orbits of the sun were quite enough.
  2. I learned that I could carry forward the immense love and compassion she had for the world, and that I could slowly, with no little agony and humility, grow into her gracious wisdom.
  3. Thanks to her departure, this blog was born.  And that’s a very good thing because it honors and celebrates a great soul who, uneducated and without any personal need to promote her wisdom, left almost no trace in this world.

~

*  Although … when I first left home at 19, bound for Sydney (crying all the way across the Tasman Sea) she wrote that she had roamed the empty house weeping all day at the shock of my absence.  We were joined at the hip, Mum and I, and as she reminded me in the last hours of her life – “It never ends!”

~

Image: Scanned from a greeting card years ago. I vaguely remember that the artist was a New Zealand woman, living in Australia. If you know more, please advise me – I’d love to give credit.

~

you can’t have your cake and eat it too!

a solid separate ‘me’ cannot be found
yet this boundless expression of the unknown still wears my name
and this unlit light illumines a world
unique to the experience of this mindstream called mine

the me I took myself to be
vaporized in an instant yet nothing happened to ‘I’
‘I’ shines as it always has – perhaps more
clearly now that the drapes have been drawn back

it’s a mistake to think
that the vast View of world-as-self means that
some super-human person is viewing it thus –
unobstructed Awareness is simply viewing Itself

it’s a mistake to think
at all, actually,
if the View is one’s objective:
thinking will ensure It stays enshrined as an object

and we all know that an object is just a story
either you get the story
or you get the View –
you can’t have your cake and eat it too!

 

– miriam louisa


 

mind the gap!

If you’ve ever traveled the London Underground you’ll be au fait with this warning. It’s painted on the platform exactly where the the doors of the train will open. It’s delivered over the intercom at every stop to alert passengers to be mindful when stepping off the train. You hear it so often you stop hearing it.

The reminder to “mind the gap” is one of those inadvertent gifts delivered by mundane daily life and language; it’s meditation’s best friend.

Minding the gap as I step off one train of thought and onto another, ‘I’ floats as spaciousness. The gap between thoughts is the closest thing to God I can think of – but to think at all, I’ve got to be back on the train!

Who’d have thought the London Underground would be such a kind teacher?

The gap is R&R for the brain. The gap is succulent silence and the flowering of pure Aware-ing. The gap is my version of Graceland. It’s where the Beloved lives.

Mind the gap?

You bet.

– miriam louisa


image source – http://www.guardian.co.uk/


avatars of the sage sex

Gratitude to Jerry Katz for this overview of emerging and established wideawake women.

A vanguard of self-schooled female mystics is doing an end-run around the mainstream self-help and New Age movements — and is advancing a radical, 21st century spirituality.  Call it the ‘Anti-Me Generation.’

Across the centuries, spiritual seekers have invariably been women and the teachers men; from Jesus to Gurdjieff and Rumi to Ramana Maharshi, enlightenment has been a male-dominated business.  But figures like Byron Katie are in the vanguard of an astonishing advent in the mystical tradition: she is a leading light in a scattered coterie of women who have propounded a radical, new esoteric spirituality and seem to have leap-frogged ahead of male counterparts in the pursuit of the sacred.

Their work, if you want to call it that, isn’t wholly cribbed from Indian gurus or apprenticeships in Asian monasteries, but forged in a homegrown fashion in the crucible of contemporary America – sometimes as a result of frustration with oriental traditions.  Alongside Katie, these self-schooled spiritual masters include . . . Oregon-based Catherine Ingram, Santa Fe’s Pamela Wilson, and Calgary, Alberta-based Karen McPhee.

These wise-women represent an implicit indictment of the legion of vendors from the human potential movement who appear on Oprah’s show, or who fill the pages of Common Ground.  Those services are New Age brands that explicitly pitch self-improvement, and promise to fill in the ego’s deficits.

But Byron Katie, Catherine Ingram and the Australian-born mystic, Isha, undermine the very notion of self-enhancement through spiritual seeking.  In fact, they take direct aim at the personality’s hegemony over reality, and advance a counter-intuitive proposition that the act of thinking itself is an inherently contaminating phenomenon.

The mind is a terrible thing to waste, the famous TV ad slogan from the ’70’s goes.  To the new female mystics, the mind is simply a terrible thing.

This ‘Anti-Me’ generation of teachers also resists branding particular counter-measures for the likes of anxiety, addictions, adultery and affairs.

“I’m reluctant to specify a goal or repetitive motion using some technique,” says Ingram.  “I see people identifying as the doer — ‘I sat for two hours without moving,’ ‘I’ve completed forty-five retreats,’ — proudly waving the banner of spiritual achievement as if that had anything to do with freedom.  These thoughts and concepts all cluster around one central belief—the belief in ‘me.’  This is the ridgepole for their entire illusory house of pain.”

That’s the difference between the new female mystics and, say, Deepak Chopra.  He goes on Oprah and tells people to meditate each morning.  Instead, these women would say: “First thing we do — let’s get rid of that word.”

A notable exception to the rule is Byron Katie, who calls her work, well, The Work.  But she’s the best example of a self-schooled female mystic.  For two years, Katie was so maniacally depressed she rarely got out of bed.  A mother of two boys and a teenaged girl in Bakersfield, CA and an alcoholic, she ended up in a local halfway house.

When Katie awoke one morning to find a cockroach crawling up her foot, she had an out-of-nowhere epiphany.  “All my rage, all the thoughts that had been troubling me, my whole world, was gone,” she recalls.  “The only thing that existed was awareness.  I was seeing without concepts, without thoughts or a story.  There was no me.  The foot and the cockroach weren’t outside me.  There was no outside or inside.”

During the two decades since that halfway-house psychic makeover, Katie … has drawn audiences in the thousands to lectures and workshops, offering others the same experience.  To both experts and lay people alike she appears to live in an elevated psychological state utterly free of internal conflict, akin to a yogi or a lama.  Katie herself claims that she does not even see herself as a spiritual person.

“I don’t know anything about that,” says Katie.  “I’m just someone who knows the difference between what hurts and what doesn’t.”

While Byron Katie has tried to codify her Work, her approach is still very much a common touchstone for the teachings of the new, self-styled prophets.  She uses thought to disarm itself through a sequence of deceptively simple questions.  Other approaches tend to elude language.

Pamela Wilson un-plugs people from the stories they tell about themselves by walking them through a series of shifts in somatic awareness.  She asks them to identify recurring situations or feelings where they feel stuck, and then focus on the bodily sensations they trigger.  When they are allowed to arise, and understood as tactile echoes of past events, they can be metabolized.

The process works kind of like a primordial mind-body algorithm.  “There’s no lack of brilliance in the design of either the body or the way it lets go,” says Wilson.  “The system of release is strange, almost reptilian.”  “What you’re doing is helping the body let go of the past,” continues Wilson.  “One of the ways the body creates release is by recreating something from the past in order to pull it out of the earth of the body.  Otherwise, it stays deep.”

One reason it is hard to codify some of the practices of post-modern mystics in words is because they’re more like signposts that point you toward a mental state that lies precisely beyond words.  How-to tips are superseded by a stronger path of transmission at the disposal of Pamela Wilson, Byron Katie and the others: the simple power of their personal presence.

The international followings of these women aren’t built on much else.  A Mother Theresa, by comparison, had an honorific in a powerful multi-national organization; these women have no organizations per se.  Neither do they bank on an MD’s shingle, like self-help gurus Wayne Dyer and Deepak Chopra (Katie worked as a real estate broker in her previous life, Ingram as a journalist).  Mystics by their nature don’t actively seek fame or fortune.

How, exactly, did these remarkable women emerge as “realized” beings in our data-infused, image-obsessed society?  Like Katie, most of them have reported a fundamental dissolution of a social or personal identity.  For Smadar de Lange, a rising star who represents the next generation of female mystics, it came after a traumatic motorcycle accident.

For Ingram, her meltdown came after the break-up of an engagement.  “I had had romantic obsessions since I was ten years old,” she says, “which I now see as a yearning for divinity because that is the realm in which I had most tasted divinity — that intoxicating dissolution of separation.  So this last painful ending was a grand culmination of that whole fantasy, and in that pain there was no place that I could be in peace except free and clear of a lot of thinking and ruminating about the story, the past, or the future . . .”

“It forced awareness into a kind of luminosity that had not been there.”

– Jerry Katz


Source:  The Nonduality Highlights, with some editing by yours truly.