the joy of dying

Today is the 4th day of the 4th month and 9 years since my mother breathed her last at 4am.

Two Miriams, Hervey Bay QLD

This little blog was created to express my gratitude for her wondrous wideawakeness and wisdom; she was a priceless teacher for me. Her lessons – lived in her everyday life – deepen and mature in me as the years go by.  She gave us 97 years of her presence.  Even on her deathbed she was wide-eyed and full of praise for everyone.

This year I’m moved to share words from two teachers she’d have loved for their open-hearted honesty, warmth, sweetness, and for their radiant wisdom: Joan Ruvinsky and Robert K Hall. Joan was speaking shortly before her death. Robert is still with us, but his departure is immanent.


 

just this… in all its simplicity…
welcoming what is here already…
not coming… not going…
obscured even by seeking…

So we meet in the paradox of apparent teachings, retreats, trainings or gatherings, to celebrate and explore this nameless presence that we are.  At first, there is the tendency to accentuate the myriad of practices the yoga tradition has developed, to focus on concepts like nondual, true nature, awareness, self-inquiry or other-inquiry.

But all this activity eventually leads us to a giving up.  And in this surrender what is revealed is seen to be what has always been here, before the search began, during its full intensity and after its cessation.  The task turns out to be ceding to stillness, and in that stillness the recognition of just this.

Falling back and resting in what is so familiar that it has been overlooked during all the body sensing yoga, during all the pranayama, all the yoga nidra and amidst all the dialogues, amidst life itself, we find our self simply sinking back into just this.

Joan Ruvinsky

 


 

Letting go is not an easy process, especially how much I’m enjoying life, surrounded by so much love and people who take good care of me… I have talked at length about my experience and difficulties about the dying process… today I’d like reflect on the positive side and share my experience about the joy of dying…

Robert K Hall

 

This short talk (8:07) expresses so much warmth, love, joy and presence, it will melt your heart.
For more videos and audio teachings: Robert K Hall Dharma Talks


From the archives:
grief is a shower of grace
the gift of grief

here is where the vista opens
the cosmic chirp


 

love is what’s left . . .

Apologies, dear friends, for my absence these past weeks. I’ve been beavering away very one-pointedly at another of my online passions – the awakened eye website and blog. The project saw a couple of hundred pages transferred from the original self-hosted website to the WordPress blog associated with it – literally weeks of (joyful) work. The reason? Simplification – downsizing – economics. Please zoom over and have a look at the new site. Feedback appreciated!

I’ve also been putting together a little essay for an online publisher about the “journey home” as it has unfolded for the emelle character – a project that turned up some surprises for her as she joined the dots of the decades. (More about this later.)

One thing I noticed as I examined my own experience over those decades, was a reluctance to use words like “love” when attempting to express the freefall into thusness. Maybe it was my education, which alerted me to recognition of terms that are merely conceptual referents. Maybe it was an awareness of how this word has lost its true meaning as a result of being mouthed ad nauseum by new age adherents and god-botherers in general.

Rupert Spira’s take on love is big enough for me, though. The following is part of a reply he wrote to someone who was courageous enough to ask for clarity about the real implications of this belief-burdened four-letter word.

Whatever is not present right now is not worthy of the name love and is likewise not worthy of our desire. Forget it. Whatever is not present now, even if it is one day found, will by definition one day disappear.

Why go for something temporary? It can never fulfill you. Let go of everything that can be let go of, everything – and anything that appears can be let go of – including all your, my and everyone else’s ideas about love.

In fact, as soon as we look for what is present, it is gone. We cannot focus on or even think about what is truly present. We can only think about an object, about the past, about the future. In other words, we can only think of a thought.

Thought can never know or find the one thing that it almost constantly seeks. It can only dissolve in it.

The mind dies as it turns towards love like a moth in a flame.

Let the mind dissolve in the understanding that it simply cannot go to the place of love and yet, like a fish in the ocean searching for water, it is already swimming in it.

Let everything pass by.

Remember William Blake:  “He who binds himself to a joy does the winged life destroy.”

The ‘winged life’ is love itself.  It is apparently destroyed by our looking for it as an object, by ‘binding’ our self to an object, which means to the past or the future.

Let go, let go, let go.

Let your tears be the river into which everything you know is offered up, all your longing, everything.

Someone once asked Mother Meera if it was okay to offer everything to God or whether only ‘positive things’ should be offered, and she replied: “A child offers its mother a snail, a stick or a stone; the mother doesn’t care what is offered; she is just happy to have been remembered.”

Offer everything. The love you seek is all that will remain behind.

Rupert Spira

Yes. Love is all that’s left, but it’s not like any kind of love you imagined. It has no object. It has no opposite. It is a simple, open acceptance without condition, of all that appears. It is no other than your natural self – whatever you are called.

worlds and gods will disappear, but this will not

 

Back in January I wrote a post to honor the passing of the last of my ancient aunties. Today I am heavy with news that the last of the ancient uncles has joined her. Back in September last year I wrote about a visit with my beloved mother’s big bro – he was getting ready to be 99 on October 1.

Well, he was ready good and proper, and we had a wonder-full day out with him – lunching at the restaurant he and Aunty Helen used to frequent, driving him along the coast and up the Kaimai Range, and finally delivering him – weary and happy – back to his little room at the retirement village. We left him with promises that it would all happen again this year for his 100th birthday. He was so delighted – and de-light-full.

The spectacular dawn photograph in my last post – shining mind, radiant perfection – was taken last October from my hermitage up in those Kaimai Ranges. And the view over the coast with Mount Maunganui bathed in light would have revealed the village where Uncle lived, had there been more light. As I write today I am in Queensland, Australia, and I marvel that life wanted that particular photo posted – with its glorious light emerging from heavy cloud. That particular photo; that particular place.

Then the news came from my cousin. It’s ridiculous, I know, to be saddened by the departure of one so ancient. But one is never ready. And – it’s not just about him, although his gentle, twinkling, intelligent presence will be missed; it’s the end of an era. There are no more ancients left in this clan – and – we are the replacements!

Am I ready to be 99? Actually I don’t even know if I’m ready to be 68 on my next birthday. What I do know is that I’m ready for life now, whatever it dishes up. I must be getting really old to be able to say that. I no longer have a sense that I’ve missed something in life; the seeker-self has been awol longtime. That doesn’t mean I no longer get up revving to get stuck into the day – quite the contrary. Life is juicier and more wondrous by the day. Perhaps that means I am ready? Bring it on!


What is not stable and permanent, let go.

There is only one thing left.

Worlds and gods will disappear, but This will not.

When you are reminded of this keep your eye on it,
not with the intention of having it, but just to BE it!

All the things you want are in the “let go” category:
house, wife, body, parents, gods, let go.

What is left?  What cannot go?  That you ARE!

You cannot go because you have never come
and anything that comes must go.

Find out what it is.

– Papaji

 

drop off your own skin

Withdraw now from the invisible pounding and weaving of your ingrained ideas.

If you want to be rid of this invisible turmoil, you must just sit through it and let go of everything.

Attain fulfillment and illuminate thoroughly.

Light and shadow altogether forgotten.

Drop off your own skin, and the sense-dusts will be fully purified.

The eye then readily discerns the brightness.

~ Hongzhi Zhengjue (1091-1157)