we are all waiting for you

Today, a guest post from Vicki Woodyard.

This piece is a perfect fit for a follow-on to my last post – one day you finally knew

Worku Goshu: Birth of Light, oil on canvas

One’s Own Truth

To own one’s own truth is what life is about. To reach the place where all of the bells ring … to heal the godforsaken stretches of your inner desertions ….

Yesterday I heard Gavin de Becker say that if someone cannot accept your “no,” then they are trying to control you. After my husband died, I said three noes that first year. Two led to a desertion by the ones to whom I said no. And they each led to a deepening resolve to continue the practice of “no.”

“No” to the outer world is a yes to your inner world. And the inner determines the outer. It is daunting to go so deep into your own spirit that you understand that you are one with everything. It doesn’t necessarily make you any happier.

This morning as I entered the grocery store, one of the employees said a clear “I love you” into her cell phone. I told her it was so nice to hear her say that. She was speaking to her soulmate, she said, her husband of three years. I told her I was widowed…

Being alone is not the end of the world. For me, it is a time for going deeper into what I have chosen. I want to be with myself from now on. In a way that heals inner division, in a way that comforts and stretches me. For this I must say “no” to things that do not nourish me. I am facing myself directly, which is a difficult thing to do. I often prefer to nibble at the cheesy things of this world. Like a rat, I sample American Idol, and that makes me want more. The world is like that… making you want more of what can never sustain you.

So I sit here at the computer, wanting you to love me. But that is just another bite of cheese in the trap. What I really want is to love myself so clearly that I never say “yes” when I feel “no.” That is a big, big thing. The bigger the truth, the more it can change and heal you.

We are all waiting for you
to strike that one chord
in your own heart.
You know, the one you haven’t
strummed in so long.
The one that will make us all
stop for a moment and sigh…

For we have enough false notes
stored up in our music benches.
We need to see your single finger
pluck the harmony and sorrow chord
so we will remember who we are.

Vicki Woodyard


After regularly publishing on Facebook for some time, Vicki is now re-energising her blog as the premier place to access her writing. You can find it at http://www.vickiwoodyard.com/


Painting by Worku GoshuBirth of Light


a deeper prayer

I love this profound and beautiful expression of radical surrender from Fred LaMotte:

No Affirmation

To make affirmations of abundance expresses lack.
To pray for strength confesses weakness.
To ask for healing is to be sick.
But simply to embrace what is
may be a deeper prayer….

FLaMotte-fb

I embrace ‘poverty,’
I expand into emptiness,
I don’t ask for ‘more.’
Is the universe not born from a boundless vacuum?
Not fearing the void, I ripple with wealth.

I confess that I am powerless
in utter surrender.
I abandon striving, and discover
pre-existent fullness,
the immoveable strength that is nearer
than the next breath…

I accept my dis-ease,
I welcome brokenness,
I hug this body.
In non-resistance, unity.
In unity, healing.

This very moment I refuse
to generate conflict
by changing the suchness
into the ‘should.’

I nestle into wholeness
and little things begin to happen
majestically…

All that greens with nectar,
all that buzzes with life,
emerges from
what Is…

Fred LaMotte

 

Image credit – Fred’s Facebook page.

I’m out of my mind

Rainforest Hermitage

 

there I was
in the grip of
grimness
in the midst
of this glorious
rainforest

self-loathing had its
garrote
around my throat
and depression urged it
to finish the job

the cackling clockwork chorus
was in full voice:
homeless, hopeless!
alone, undeserving!
penniless, shameful!
exhausted, wimp!
confused, idiot!
repeat
repeat

 

repeat

 

then suddenly, a shift,

– subtle yet seismic –

and I’m out of my mind
and absorbed into a bright beingness
that needs no healing
because it knows no
brokenness

the clamor dies down
consciousness folds itself
back into its contents

the light
that’s never needed a housekeeper
beams itself up as a
world
that falls to its mossy knees
and scribbles a poem


birthday poem 2013

calling in the all

Since the One is already here and
inescapably so
there is no need to seek it
or to call it in.
The One is busy being One
whatever one chooses
to believe, or pretend,
want or not-want.

There is no need to summon
the One
to the hearth of the heart:
it is that Bright
eternal flame, unlit, undying
(some call it Soul)
apart from which we have
no being.

It casts its eyeless eye around
the hearth’s welcoming glow.
It notices the pillows are plumped
and the kettle sings.
It smiles upon the cluster of
creative, competent, contented
luminaries who have gathered but –
many chairs are empty.

Too many chairs are empty!
Too many tender embers of the One
are absent – worse,
they haven’t been invited to this gathering
of Soul-celebration.

Call them in! The cry echoes through
the clay embodiment
where all those unwelcome embers
languish in exile.

Call them in! Assemble the entire company!
Welcome them all
without reservation or condition;
sit them down, give them tea,
make them comfortable, thank them
for the priceless part they have played
in the journey to now.

Let them know they are loved.

And in they straggle: the timid, the traumatized, the ashamed, the guilty, the grieving, the manipulator, the opportunist, the mute, the defensive, the secretive, the hypocrite, the liar, the sentimental, the stubborn, the light-fingered, the greedy, the stoic, the fearful, the arrogant, the immodest, the undeserving, the critical, the insatiable, the self-righteous, the confused, the impatient, the narcissistic, the lazy, the lost, the untrusting, the ungrateful, the exhausted, the incompetent, the mean, the jealous, the utterly deluded … in they straggle.  Some have been banished for so long in the mind’s push towards spiritual or philosophical perfection that they have forgotten the existence of a home hearth.  They creep in, cringing.

The chairs fill up and the tears flow – tears of forgiveness, tears of contrition, tears of loving appreciation.  Unimpeded, the flow opens out into a current of ecstasy.

And as the clamor settles, the fire in the hearth leaps into life, igniting all these precious embers until the entire company is burning with the Bright.

For this is the ultimate alchemy:
acceptance that the all and the One are One
and never was any ember not a member
of the One Bright beingness
for whom distinctions and differences
have never been a problem;
the One Bright unassailable beingness
known as incredible You.

~ miriam louisa

All know that the drop merges into the ocean,
but few know that the ocean merges into the drop.
~ Kabir

today I light candles

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today I light candles …

my heart sings with gratitude
to all of you
~ Beloveds ~
who have been sending your prayers
and healing magic
my way
this past week or so

and I invite you to join me
in this outpouring of gratitude
by thinking of dear ones who have likewise
showered you with kind thoughts and deeds

you can light a gratitude candle
for them
via this little link


with bowed head
and happy, healthy (!) heart
I thank you all

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Image:  Bill Viola  –  Catherine’s Room

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the unbroken

There is a brokenness
out of which comes the unbroken,
a shatteredness
out of which blooms the unshatterable.

There is a sorrow
beyond all grief which leads to joy
and a fragility
out of whose depths emerges strength.

There is a hollow space
too vast for words
through which we pass with each loss,
out of whose darkness
we are sanctioned into being.

There is a cry deeper than all sound
whose serrated edges cut the heart
as we break open to the place inside
which is unbreakable and whole,
while learning to sing.

~ Rashani Réa

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an invitation to extreme creativity

If creativity is radical discontinuity in a pattern of thought, then going on retreat is an invitation to extreme creativity.

Retreat is radical discontinuity in a pattern of being.

It’s not so much a movement towards anything, although it might it might involve wandering in unknown places or bunkering down in a metaphoric cave.  It’s more of a movement away from the known life with all its impositions, distractions and habitude.

As the disappearing Dharma teacher said – it’s a total commitment to awakening.  Not just in little glimpses, but in rock solid steadiness.

You will know when you’re ready and you must go.  There won’t be a second thought.  You won’t be driven by your mind or even your heart and certainly not by your feelings for they are the most fickle of all.

You’ll be driven by Grace, by a sweet and unquestionable imperative that will shock you and your N & D.  Resisting the call is possible but the consequences to health and sanity are dire.

When the invitation comes, grab it, beloved.  Park your procrastination into long-term storage and walk, empty, into the arms of Life.

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The Journey

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do –
determined to save
the only life you could save.

~ Mary Oliver

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