the world is your light emanation

In the light of consciousness all sorts of things happen and one need not give special importance to any.

The sight of a flower is as marvelous as the vision of God.  Let them be.  Why remember them and then make memory into a problem?  Be bland about them; do not divide them into high and low, inner and outer, lasting and transient.

Go beyond, go back to the source, go to the self that is the same whatever happens.

Your weakness is due to your conviction that you were born into the world.  In reality the world is ever recreated in you and by you.

See everything as emanating from the light which is the source of your own being.

~ Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

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awareness is an unassailable fortress

For those whose investment in their version of the ‘bondage’ dream is high, there’s bound to be a reaction when they meet any soul who dares to declare the immediacy of unconditional freedom.

It tends to go like this:

– if you are audacious enough to suggest that no kind of meditation practice or spiritual work will ever result in wideawake freedom (aka awakening or enlightenment), they’ll say you are truly deluded

– if you aren’t deeply engaged in analyzing your personal psychological pathology, they’ll say you’re in denial

– if you aren’t rushing around saving the lost souls, the children, the whales, the environment, they’ll say you’re irresponsible

– if you aren’t full of fear for the future with its threats of terrorism, mass destruction, financial collapse and mayhem, they’ll say you’re avoiding reality

– if you are happily and contentedly doing what you love, they’ll say you’re selfish

The good news is that none of this matters one nanojot to Awareness.  IT couldn’t give a toss.  (Just check in and see for yourself!)  Freedom is never anywhere but at the beginingless beginning.  Freedom is fundamental.  All the delusion, denial, irresponsibility, avoidance and selfishness in the universe can’t affect the freedom that simply is THIS.  Neither can accusations and insults.

Please don’t think I am trivializing or dismissing any of the practices or activities mentioned above.  There is room for every-imaginable-thing to manifest in the vastness of Life.  Everything has its place and purpose.  But once one has tired of all efforts to improve oneself and the world, and the quest has begun to move inwards rather than outwards, these things fall away of their own accord.  Perhaps they will re-emerge eventually, flowering as the focus of one’s wholly impersonal wideawake wisdom.  Perhaps not.  It ceases to matter, for one knows that whatever the dance of appearances, the Great Unlit Light of pure Awareing remains unmoved and unchanged.  It is the only unassailable fortress – yet It is without form or shape or location!

I remember my Granny teaching me the anti-bully rhyme when I was a tiny tot – “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but names can never hurt me!”  Wise old wideawake woman.  She knew that Unknowable Knowingness was her true identity.

~ miriam louisa

the niggle in the gut

Awareness is always present – how else could one know one’s alive?  But as we also know – or sense – that’s not the end of the story. The “Awareness is all there is, therefore there’s no doer and nothing to do” position can be such a trap, and it’s one I can write about with some authority – having been leg-baited there for a while. It got me. I think of it as the “half-baked goose” period.

It’s a position that logic can’t refute. It might bring relief if there’s guilt, or if the search has been sickeningly long and fruitless. It always delivers an existential shudder, a shock to the system both physically and mentally. It can lead to nihilism and profound despair. A brain operating-system deprived of wise mentoring can get very very stuck there. It happens.

I’m not saying it shouldn’t happen. In my case it was a gift beyond price – with the benefit of hindsight of course.

The problem with this position is that you know in your innards that something isn’t right. You feel … uneasiness. This has to be denied, of course, and denial deepens the unease. You argy-bargy with yourself: “There’s only Awareness. There’s no self, so who’s here to be in denial? Everything is just happening.”

In a very subtle and sneaky way, thought has turned the shattering revelation that “Awareness is all” to serve its own ends. This is precisely thought’s function; we can’t (and needn’t) damn it for doing its job. But the problem is that most of us haven’t really got a grip on the subtle functioning of thought. We aren’t on to its dynamics. How could we be? It’s not part of the curriculum in our education. (Unless you’ve been lucky enough to be educated at Brockwood Park School, or one of the other Krishnamurti schools worldwide.)

So we miss the way the thinking process (not yours or mine or anyone’s) has shifted the ground to take up another position in regard to this wondrous Awareness. We grokked the first bit, the bit about Awareness being ever-present and all-there-is. But Awareness has remained an object with something apart from it (me) going on about it. This rankles, this is the niggle in the gut. What’s up?

Thought can’t accept that Awareness is the one thing it can never, ever, know anything about. In spite of all the dialogues and seminars and conferences and retreats we attend, in spite of all the youtubes we watch and books we devour, we don’t know a thing about Awareness – except, ironically, that nothing can be known. Eventually this sinks in. There’s a crisis where we admit to ourselves that perhaps the goose isn’t fully cooked after all. A very humbling moment. Exquisite.

This is the point at which some kind of Grace finds space and a ‘eureka!’ moment lights up our weary mind. The gist of it goes like this:

Awareness is always all and everything and always present.
Presence is the dynamic by which Awareness knows itself.
Presence and the movement of thought/thinking are mutually exclusive.
Presence is literally the undivided Be-ing of Awareness.

And Presence is entirely up to you, because, um, what else could you be
but Presence itself?

Well OMG it’s all about me after all. Bless my beloved wee boots!

You can know the false only
the Truth you must yourself be.
~ Nisargadatta Maharaj

And so the turn is made. Presence cooks the goose. The argy-bargy stops. Awareness re-turns to itself in delight. And the entire body-mind thrills to rightness and ease.

– miriam louisa


this crazy love

This Unlit Light: this crazy love - scattering her ashes

 

At 4am the tide in the Bay had reached the end of its outbreath.
It was time to abandon my mother’s ashes to their sea-womb.
Given a name like Miriam, where else would they be at home?

 

shimmering stardust
arching
over rippling moonpath

frangipanis afloat
like Peking knots on
silken blackwater

my mother’s ashes
scattered
over the tide-turn
of the Coral Sea

this crazy love
– sleeves wringing wet –

clutches

its only firm footfall
on time-sucking sand:

this changeless
inescapable
Awareing

 

– miriam louisa