I watch me appear; I watch me disappear

 

I am never absent, I cannot be escaped
I watch me appear, I watch me disappear

I am unaffected, I have no preference
I watch me appear, I watch me disappear

Forget ‘Big Brother’ and CCTV:
there’s an eye there is no hiding from
and it’s known as “I” to me.

It prowls this world of dream and drama
ceaselessly scoping the cosmos and all creation:
macroscopic, microscopic and myopic too,
the outer worlds and inner…

Eyes wide open, eyes shut tight
I can never escape its unlit light.

I am unmoved, I am all movement
I watch me appear, I watch me disappear

I am never absent, I cannot be escaped
I watch me appear, I watch me disappear

– miriam louisa

I watch me appear; I watch me disappear
 

Beloved Gangaji writes:

At a certain point, a couple of years after [the disappearance of the ‘me’ as separate entity], I was aware of a sense of myself as a person starting to slowly return.  And I thought, “Oh, no, what does this mean?” because at that point I had been counseling people not to reconstruct themselves after this kind of experience.  There was a moment of wondering if this sense of myself meant I had lost anything, but by then I knew enough to check and see.  When I did, I saw clearly that the truth that needs no scaffolding was not bothered by any sense or perception of myself as being this human animal, this body-mind configuration.  Silent conscious awareness was not bothered by any disappearance of the sense of this form and not bothered by its reappearance.

The fact that the sense of me as form reappeared was actually a teaching for me because it threw me into profound inquiry.  And in that inquiry I saw that this sense of being a separate entity appears and disappears all the time, even in a day—for everyone.  It’s just that until we have an experience of it disappearing, and then discovering the true “I” to still be present, only then do we have the possibility of recognizing that the disappearance or the reappearance doesn’t really touch the unmoving truth.

It was at this point I felt myself reincarnating as an ordinary human being.  I didn’t fight the ordinariness coming back, because I was always aware that whatever came back—an emotion, a sense of me, a negative thought, etc.—it didn’t touch what had been revealed…

To this day, I can say that from that moment there has been no lack of resolution and fulfillment.  There have been negative states as well as positive.  There has been grief as well as joy.  There have been trials and there have been defeats, but nothing has dislodged the certainty that who I am includes all.

© Gangaji, 2012
[My emphasis.]
Source:  http://www.onethemagazine.com/blog/2012/10/12/answer-to-a-prayer/

Image source:  Rumi on facebook

Truth: it’s got us by the short curlies

Awakening is a space that opens in you.
If that space is infinitely open, then Truth can reveal itself continuously,
in a way that is always somewhat unexpected.
~ Adyashanti

Understatement of the century, says I with a droll grin.  Who’d have expected Truth to turn up as just exactly this?  Who’d have expected Truth to turn up as just exactly what is, here and now?  Who’d have expected that Truth would be ceaselessly waiting for me without expectations?  Or conditions?  Or qualifiers?

Who’d have expected that someone as crazy, mixed-up, diseased, addicted, selfish, ancient, depressed, deluded, ego-consumed, unworthy, ____  (insert pet beat-up label) as this creature called me would turn out to be Truth in apparent disguise?

Who’d have expected Truth to be naked and silent after all the years of assuming It would come blazing and whistling and shouting hallelujah?  Who’d have expected It would be so intimate that separation is impossible?  Escape impossible?  (It’s got us by the short curlies dear hearts, whether we like it or not.)

Who’d have expected that the only thing apparently standing between me and Truth was my belief in the myth of separation?

~ miriam louisa

what is it with steps and falling?

An old friend dropped this question into a recent email. It took me a while to understand where she was ‘coming from’ – it’s been a long while since analyzing events for their ‘deeper’ meaning has interested me. But I still love a good question, so I took a look.

I now understand that how a question is answered depends on where it’s flying in from. If I am zipped into my bodysuit – busy being a body – steps are solid forms to be negotiated in space and time. Falling happens when space and time are out of sync. Falling hurts; body might be crippled or disfigured. It’s an experience to be avoided: fear is body’s brand.

If I’m aloft in the thought-propelled balloon called mind, a fall down steps will trigger endless analysis of what it really means, what I need to know that I’m not looking at, what I need to avoid, what I must fix, change, rewrite about the story of “my life.” It will keep me very busy, very anxious, and very stressed out.

If I am neither body nor mind, but the spacious aware-ing that they and all their activities arise within – energy is simply dancing. It appears to take a tumble. It appears to be painful. It has no owner; it wears no name. Since there is no division possible in spaciousness, denial isn’t an option – nor is acceptance! Awareness knows itself intimately. And it knows exactly what’s needed for healing: rest and relaxation.

What is it with steps and falling? It’s a gift. It’s pure grace. The blessing of injury is that it delivers you, helpless and humbled, back to base: relaxation as Life, as the pure Light of awake, aware Livingness.

Gratitude!

~ miriam louisa

sunyata or story? – a reality check

Two weeks ago I took a tumble down unlit steps onto concrete. I’m no stranger to being hobbled for long periods (how else would a tearabout meet and fall fatally in love with a zafu?) but what’s interesting now, is that there’s … no drama. The Light of Being called ‘I’ is quite unaffected by two sprained ankles and one wrenched knee.

But there’s more, and it wants to be shared. In the leisure of forced immobility meditation finds no distractions. It flourishes. And this morning, after a sweet spell of simply being Being, it bubbled up some interesting questions.

Attention went to my left leg. There it lay on the sofa, the ankle swollen, the foot and calf black, yellow and blue with bruising. Not a pretty sight.

What do I actually see?
I see patches of color, shapes; a form.

Are the patches of color – in my actual direct experience, not in abstraction, interpretation or conceptualization – bruises?
No, they are simply patches of color – data perceptions. Bruises can only be inferred, not experienced.

And the shapes – the swollen ankle?
Swelling likewise. It can only be inferred, not experienced.

And the form?
Simply a form – ‘leg’ is what it gets labeled.

So?
No bruising, swelling or leg is actually being experienced.

What about pain?
My leg hurts, yes!

What leg?
Huh? Right. OK, there is sensation.

Where?
In my leg …… crikey…..?

Is the sensation outside of perception?
No, couldn’t be … could it?

Where is perception located?
Behind my eyes …

Really? Is perception outside of Awareness?
No. They can’t be separated.

So where’s the sensation actually experienced?
In Awareness – which has no fixed point of reference!

And where’s the perception of color, shape and form experienced?
In Awareness. Must be! OMG. There’s only Awareness experiencing Itself as a field of energy data!

And where’s the sense of ‘I’ experienced?
It … floats within Awareness … it is Awareness. It’s all Awareness!

Good Reality check, eh? Just in case you were tempted to turn it all into a wee story sweetheart!

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No-thing exists outside of the Awareing,
the Experiencing, the Knowing, that is ‘I’.
No accident, no injury, no pain, no trauma
ever affects this unknowable ‘I’.
The Knowing of this is sweet peace and Lightness of Being.

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I share this because I know the agony of bodily injury. This body has been smashed. One of my legs was severed and re-built. I have spent many months hospitalized and immobile, not knowing whether I’d ever walk unassisted again. Back then I was unable to separate the story of my experience from its actuality. Now I am able to do that, and I am profoundly moved to share this simple investigation with those who suffer. It’s such a simple inquiry, and it shows so clearly how we often don’t experience the actuality of what’s going on. We experience the story, and it’s usually an awful one. And it’s usually all a lie. To suffer is to believe the lie.

~ ml

a mind-shift of great subtlety

One Life-thread flows through everything.  This isn’t some poetic fantasy; you can find out for yourself if you go deeply into the appearance of ‘things’ – any things, including the ‘you’ thing and the ‘me’ thing.  What you find is that nothing – no thing – is a thing with independent existence.  Everything you put under your microscope turns out to be a complex web of interdependent relationships connected to every other complex web of interdependent relationships.  We paste a name on this seething mass of quantum energies and hey ho! – it becomes real.

Except, it isn’t.  It’s actually a field of infinite possibilities which we have attempted to freeze-dry by labeling.  Look closely enough and you’ll find that no objects could ever be said to exist.  Buddhists call the inherent no-thing-ness of phenomena emptiness, or void.  It doesn’t mean appearance isn’t happening and you must be a nutter because to you, it IS – it means that appearance is simply appearance.

So what can be said about the web of connections?  What’s the stuff of this web?  It’s immaterial; it can only be inferred.  This isn’t deep metaphysics, any more than Life’s presence is inferred in a body that’s up and alive.  The web, imo, is Life itself.  And that’s about all I can say because I’m a zafu-sitter not a scientist.

But as far as I’m concerned it’s the profound understanding of emptiness and the web of Life energy which animates the field of Infinite Potential (as posited by David Bohm) that constitutes self-realization.  It changes everything.  It’s a mind-shift of great subtlety and it is irreversible.

– miriam louisa

Without self-realization no virtue is genuine.
It is only when you arrive at the deepest conviction
that the same life flows through everything,
and that you ARE that life,
that you can begin to love naturally and spontaneously.
– Ramesh S. Balsekar


have you noticed?

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awesome thing, perception

a no-thing itself,
it makes up the web of
space and time
so that the world can appear


awesome thing, conceptualization

a no-thing itself,
it makes up the labels that
name and explain
those worldly appearances


awesome thing, Awareness

a no-thing itself,
it does nothing at all
but enjoy the View!

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~ miriam louisa
echoes from emptiness

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