Today, a guest post from Vicki Woodyard.
This piece is a perfect fit for a follow-on to my last post – one day you finally knew
One’s Own Truth
To own one’s own truth is what life is about. To reach the place where all of the bells ring … to heal the godforsaken stretches of your inner desertions ….
Yesterday I heard Gavin de Becker say that if someone cannot accept your “no,” then they are trying to control you. After my husband died, I said three noes that first year. Two led to a desertion by the ones to whom I said no. And they each led to a deepening resolve to continue the practice of “no.”
“No” to the outer world is a yes to your inner world. And the inner determines the outer. It is daunting to go so deep into your own spirit that you understand that you are one with everything. It doesn’t necessarily make you any happier.
This morning as I entered the grocery store, one of the employees said a clear “I love you” into her cell phone. I told her it was so nice to hear her say that. She was speaking to her soulmate, she said, her husband of three years. I told her I was widowed…
Being alone is not the end of the world. For me, it is a time for going deeper into what I have chosen. I want to be with myself from now on. In a way that heals inner division, in a way that comforts and stretches me. For this I must say “no” to things that do not nourish me. I am facing myself directly, which is a difficult thing to do. I often prefer to nibble at the cheesy things of this world. Like a rat, I sample American Idol, and that makes me want more. The world is like that… making you want more of what can never sustain you.
So I sit here at the computer, wanting you to love me. But that is just another bite of cheese in the trap. What I really want is to love myself so clearly that I never say “yes” when I feel “no.” That is a big, big thing. The bigger the truth, the more it can change and heal you.
We are all waiting for you
to strike that one chord
in your own heart.
You know, the one you haven’t
strummed in so long.
The one that will make us all
stop for a moment and sigh…
For we have enough false notes
stored up in our music benches.
We need to see your single finger
pluck the harmony and sorrow chord
so we will remember who we are.
After regularly publishing on Facebook for some time, Vicki is now re-energising her blog as the premier place to access her writing. You can find it at http://www.vickiwoodyard.com/
Painting by Worku Goshu – Birth of Light
Insightful; in particular the reference to (ontological) knowledge – some call it ‘wisdom’ – not necessarily being productive of happiness. It seems there’s an idea perpetuating in the sphere of contemporary Nondualism, as well as is packaged into various New-Age nostrums, that ultimate knowledge is constantly smile-producing. With gratitude and respect to the author – Hariod Brawn.
Thank you for your wise comment Hariod. Yes, the myths that muddy the clarity and simplicity of the “ultimate knowledge” are rife. I love Vicki’s gift of honesty and courage in articulating the truth of the matter.
In mutual gratitude!
This was written some time ago and alas, the process is slow. One goes forward and falls back. Someone said that the true master chases you back onto the path again and again. How true! One can never rest. As my teacher said, “You are either going up or going down. There is no third choice.”
My very best wishes to you and for the fruition of all your heart may aspire to. With gratitude and respect, Hariod Brawn.
P.S. I’ve just been exploring your blog Vicki, and was delighted to discover the many audio clips amongst other treasures such as the aphorisms. I had not heard of Vernon Howard before – it sounds like another great being left the world a better place for his former presence. With gratitude and respect, Hariod Brawn.
He was a true teacher in the Fourth Way Tradition, although he did it his way. He ruthlessly exposed us to our inner darkness while never withholding the light. Few can do that and remain impersonal. I had dreams in which he appeared that confirmed that it was my destiny to study with him. You can listen to him on Youtube but only respond to his vibration in a yes or no manner. There is no lukewarm in him 🙂
I read a little Gurdjieff and Ouspensky many years ago, and am familiar with the notion of short, hard paths. Whilst I’m not a seeker any more, I remain fascinated by all this and can identify with some of the things you say Vicki. For example, I too remember having very powerful dreams as regards my destiny and relationship with my then teacher. Actually, although these happened when I was asleep, I never regarded them as dream-states; it was more like being in a realm of symbolic meaning that was in a sense more ‘real’ than ordinary waking life. With gratitude and respect to you and Miriam Louisa, Hariod Brawn.