This morning Lover let me slip away from its fierce embrace
long enough to write a letter home.
I picked up my pen.
Dear Lover, I wrote, dear love of my Life
Thank you for being the only constant, unchanging friend I’ve ever had. Thank you for never abandoning me or betraying me. Thank you for never being jealous or manipulative. Thank you for never constraining or limiting me in any way. Thank you for all these unfailing gestures of generosity in spite of decades of ignorance and ingratitude, and I want to say
I’m sorry for all the times I turned away from you, in my own *wee-me* capsule, imagining love and happiness could be found in the objects of the world. I’m sorry for all the times I failed to recognize your Unlit Light in every sentient being – in family, in friends, in strangers – human and other. I’m sorry for the billions of times I believed my thoughts and feelings were real, even when I understood them to be mere bubbles arising in the ocean of Being. I am on my knees, I am drowning in contrition, and I want to say
I love you. I love you Lover. I love you Life. I love you.
And when the writing stopped
Lover let me back in and I had the strangest feeling
that I had never for one second
~ miriam louisa